Tackling the “Back to School” Wobblies

By Angie Laussel, Child and Family Therapist

The long, hot summer school holidays, with the smell of sunscreen, the sound of backyard cricket and the sticky aftermath of ice-cream, are coming to a close. It’s late January, and children and parents across Australia are readying themselves for the new school year. Some children and young people are SO bored they can’t wait to return for the stimulation and to reconnect with their friends. Parents too are counting down the days for a return to routine... 
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Others are starting to feel the bite of worry. Thoughts of: “who will my teacher be?”, “will I have any friends?”, “what if it’s too hard?”, “will I fit in?”, “what if my clothes/bag/shoes aren’t right?” - are starting to gnaw. The back to school wobblies are very real for many children, and can result in noticeable mood changes, tearfulness, irritability, sleep problems, and somatic symptoms such as stomach pains or headaches.

With our grown-up knowledge and experience, it can be tempting to dismiss their worries and give superficial reassurance that “it’ll be alright!”. This is especially true when we are caught up in the busyness associated with back to school: organising new shoes, uniforms, books, stationery and trying to get a school friendly sleep routine re-established.

It’s important to remember that change can give us all the wobblies, especially when we feel we don’t have much control over it - which is very much the case for children and young people going to school. So how can we genuinely reduce our children’s back to school wobblies in a way that builds their resilience? These 7 tips can help you tackle your child’s worries, when they can appear too big for them to tackle by themselves:

1. Take the time to listen. Children’s fears can feel overwhelming to them, and it is important not to minimise or dismiss them. Instead, we can be gently curious about their worries, and ask them to share more information so we can really get an understanding of what underpins their concerns. A simple sentence like, “I can see how much that is worrying you,” lets them know we have really listened and that we take their fears seriously.
2. Normalise their worries. We can let them know that lots of children have those fears and that it’s always OK to talk about them. Letting them know we can work together to help sort it out is also reassuring for them to understand that they’re not alone, and that there isn’t anything wrong with them – which can be a big fear for many children.
3. Help them problem solve. Invite their ideas on what might help, what might make a difference, for them. Actively support them to follow through on their problem-solving plan. Worry about whether they will be wearing the right clothes/uniform, for example, can be huge.  Perhaps they could check what friends and others will be wearing; look online at photos of other school students.
4. Be prepared. In the lead up to school starting, we can work together with them to layout clothes, pack school bags, confirm school travel arrangements and go over plans so they are well known. We might need to remind ourselves not to approach this as if it is a chore – our excitement can be encouraging for an ambivalent child, and our calmness can be reassuring for one who may be anxious.
5. Practice new situations. We can forget that it is often the small things that seem the scariest for children. Our bodies and our minds are soothed by knowing what is coming, by practicing new situations and by repetition. Consider walking the school route with them before school starts, or going through the routine of arriving at school (“first you drop your back outside the classroom, then you go find your friend, you can play together until the bell goes, and then you go to your classroom”).
6. Establish routine. A routine in the week leading up to school can help smooth the transition: gradually return to school bedtimes and wake times, reintroduce morning routines, start giving school type snacks and lunches. The less “new stuff” we have to introduce on the day the better!   
7. Manage our own anxiety. The new school year can be anxiety provoking for parents too, and children will pick up on this. Being calm, focused and consistent can help everyone. It’s important we aren’t tempted to allow children to avoid school because we are concerned about their level of anxiety. This reduces their capacity to build resilience, diminishes their ability to manage their own emotions, and can establish a pattern of avoidance that is difficult to change. Instead, remain calm and caring, reaffirm they have to attend, and use the above steps to let them know we will help them talk through and problem solve their worries.

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The back to school wobblies are a common experience for children of all ages, including young people going to high school. With parental and school support, the majority of children will learn to cope with their fears, settle back into the routine of the school year and learn to manage the ups and downs that come with it.  
 
Some children, however, may need extra support if the back to school wobblies are more persistent and pervasive. Their fears and worries can transition to anxiety, which may stop them engaging with friends, participating in activities, and make it difficult for them to do things that others their age do.  Big emotions such as anxiety are difficult for children to speak about, so will often be expressed through behaviour or through somatic symptoms. You may notice significant and sustained changes in your child’s behaviour, such as being withdrawn if they were outgoing, or defiant if they were cooperative. They may develop repeated and unexplained physical symptoms such as tummy aches, headaches or stress related skin conditions. Anxiety in children rarely just gets better on its own, and seeking support early is the most helpful thing you can do for your child.