Be Your Valentine

By Jayde Austin

Each year, Valentine’s Day puts the emphasis on that ‘special someone’ in your life – and while we totally agree with spreading the love – we think that special someone receiving it, should actually be yourself!

There’s plenty of love and gratitude to go around, and so many ways to release self-neglect and put loving yourself into action. This Valentine’s Day, we’re encouraging you to practice self-love, self-acceptance and gratitude; after-all, loving and accepting yourself is a one-way ticket to improving your quality of life, and gaining a greater understanding of what you need to feel healthy and mentally well, closer with others, more fulfilment, and greater hope for what the future holds.
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If you’re anything like us, taking time to practice self-love can be hard. Other things are more important than you; you have kids to look after, a partner you’re putting before yourself, work is more of a priority, or you’re simply lacking motivation – the list of excuses are endless. We call them excuses because the very first step to practicing self-love is shifting your self-perception. Feeling worthy of receiving love is the key to putting excuses aside, and acknowledging that gifting yourself with love and acceptance will greatly benefit everything else going on in your life – including those you were once putting before yourself.

Loving yourself isn’t a one day a year event, either. It’s an endless, ongoing endeavour, and one that we feel needs to be a priority. Not only so we feel enriched in our own lives, but also so we can show up in the world and give our full, amazing selves to others. Here are some ways you can try practicing self-love, and start cultivating this new lifestyle from this Valentine’s Day onward:

Try to overcome negative thoughts.
We all fall prey to negative thinking, which drains our energy and keeps us from being fully present. And while it’s so much easier said than done to overcome negative thoughts, we've put together some practical suggestions that might just help you shift your frame of mind, or attention, elsewhere. 

First off, ask yourself this: what are the top 3 sources of negativity in my life? It could be social media, someone close to you at work, or even your diet having a negative response in your body. Take a piece of paper and write your three things down – then ask yourself, what can I do to spend less time with these 3 things this week? Be practical; if you’re not the type to deal well with cutting things out of your life, simply cut them down – limit yourself to 30minutes of leisurely time on social media instead of hours; make an effort not to take a break at the same time as the draining colleague at work; or take some steps to cut out foods you think are upsetting your body.
 
Another tip we have is to let your inner optimist out when you’re in negative situations. The best advice I’ve been given when I’m completely down and overwhelmed, is to ask yourself questions that will take you out of yourself for a moment, so you can see the bigger picture. Things like:

• How would my best friend, partner or parent support me in this situation?
• What’s the one good thing about this, or a lesson I’ve learnt?
• What can I do differently next time to protect myself from feeling like this again?

I find that train of thought helps me treat myself with more compassion. My best friend would never say I’m stupid for getting myself in a funk, and they would always be understanding and forgive me for mistakes I’ve made. Asking myself these questions removes me from overwhelm just long enough to realise that what I’m fretting about probably won’t matter in two years, let alone two weeks, and I can get on with my day in a more positive, structured frame of mind.

The final tip we have for shifting negative thoughts (although we could go on with this point for a while!), is to talk it out. Negative thinking is like a snowball – if you hold it in, your thoughts tend to get bigger, heavier and more dangerous as they continue rolling. Venting with someone you trust is a sure way of gaining a better perspective, and feeling a sense of relief and grounding within the situation. Personal therapy is also a fundamental way to analyse the root causes of negative thinking, and teaches us to shift the way we think. All of these things will contribute greatly to letting go of that nasty monster called negativity, and replacing it with light and kindness. We want you to show yourself more love and understanding, no matter what the situation.

Give yourself the gift of decluttering.
We’re not about to get all Marie Kondo on you, but we are going to enlighten you with some science behind decluttering attributing greatly to more happiness and less stress in your life. Living or working in chaos can deeply affect your mood and create a feeling of chaos within. It also diminishes a sense of peace or tranquillity when you move into a space, whether that’s work or home. An open, organised space can be freeing and uplifting. We’re not talking about being perfectly clean all the time, after-all, life is about living too! But taking a little time to tidy up, and create spaces you’re happy and proud of can make a big difference to your emotional state and inner peace.

Studies have proven a direct link between the stress hormone cortisol, and clutter. While a gender split did come into this study, (with women much more psychologically averse to clutter), the basic takeaway applies to everyone. Cortisol is not just linked to stress either; at heightened levels, it also causes depression – so living in an overly messy, cluttered or dirty home can give rise to other negative mental states. Keeping your space stress free can often be as easy as designating 15 minutes a day to tidying, rather than a full day every weekend. Even starting with 5 minutes a day to tidy that problem area could make a big difference.

Your living space reflects your inner self. I know for me, when I'm working in a tidier space, with my favourite scented candle lit, I feel clearer, calmer and more capable of whatever it is I’m trying to achieve. Prioritising yourself enough to cultivate spaces that you feel comfort and pride in is a great step to feeling better and enjoying life. You’re worthy of beautiful spaces, and peace when you come into them. Getting rid of that pile of clothes you've been meaning to donate, organising that cupboard you’re always avoiding because things fall out when it’s opened, or sorting through that stack of papers you've been staring at for months can be quite refreshing and give you a sense of accomplishment. Think of it as getting rid of the old to making room for the new! Treat yourself to a positive momentum to increase your sense of happiness and self-worth.

Treat yourself the way you hope your nearest and dearest are treating themselves.
We all have a complicated relationship between feelings and actions. If you were to reflect on your current state, would you say that your actions are generally reflective of a person who truly loves themselves? We’re generalising here, but for most people, they don’t get enough sleep or exercise, don’t feed themselves nourishing foods, don’t take care of their bodies and minds in the best way for them, and they avoid spending any real time in their own company. Treating yourself in the same way you would hope your loves ones are treating themselves is a great way to lead a healthy, fulfilling life. We all want our loves ones to nourish themselves, right? We want to see them quit smoking, and eat healthy so they can live long, prosperous lives. We want them to feel refreshed every day because they’ve had a great sleep. We want them to feel strong in their bodies from exercising, and we hope they see how incredible they are and have gratitude for all the amazing things in their lives. We want our loved ones to have fun and be silly – to enjoy the lighter side of life. And we hope they treat themselves by wearing their favourite top, or setting aside me time for things they enjoy, like art, or yoga, or walking along the beach.

If you act more like someone who loves you, you’ll feel more like someone who loves themselves. That’s the key takeaway here. Cultivating self-love, self-acceptance and feeling worthy of all of it will help you achieve a greater sense of well-being. Because you deserve love. You deserve time. You deserve focus.

Your ultimate work in self-love is this: step fully and boldly into life, and move through everything with self-awareness and compassion. When times are tough, be gentle on yourself. When times are good, relish in them. Create and maintain spaces you feel at peace in. And always give yourself the gifts you hope others are giving themselves. As you grow closer to yourself, you will feel a sense of self assurance and worthiness, then, your final task is simple: share your gift. Help others shine bright the way you’ve helped yourself. Only when you have learnt to love yourself fully, can you love others with the same capacity. Happy Valentine’s.